Dear T, AJ, R and L,
It is Christmas Day here in Canada. It has been over a month since your mother has been able to speak to you or see you on Facetime. For me it was over three months ago that we last Skyped together. I’ve missed the twins’ birthday, you didn’t get to speak to your mom on her birthday and we both missed T’s birthday just this past week too.
Your mom and I want you to know we have tried. Oh, how we have tried. We have emailed, texted and called, but received no replies or calls back. Maybe you even heard your dad’s phone and your step-mom’s phones ringing on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and you will hear them ring again today. Perhaps you’ll wonder why they aren’t answering the calls or listening to the voicemails.
I want you to know it was US, that we were right there and all we wanted to do was to talk to you. My last voicemail was short; “Hi it’s Gramma, Merry Christmas. I love you and I miss you. Please call back.”
This isn’t the first time we’ve been cut off from one another for an extended period, but in my experience, this has been the most painful thus far.
I doubt you will see this letter, but maybe, just maybe someone near you; Nanna or Poppy, or another parent or grandparent or even one of your teachers will recognize who I’m writing about. All I ask is they give you a hug for me and let you know that…
...not a day goes by that we don’t love you.
...not a day goes by that we don’t miss you incredibly.
...not a day goes by that we wish we could just hold you.
…not a day goes by they we wish we could watch you grow and learn.
I know your hearts must ache for us at times, as ours do very much for you. More and more I find myself having very emotional responses to what should be ordinary things. Like looking out our back window and seeing the tree you planted T. Or the other day when I moved a carpet in the basement and saw the stain from AJ’s play nail polish. And of course, Christmas always reminds me of the concert at Red Deer Lake school (right before you left Canada) where R and L danced on our laps as T performed and later AJ fell asleep on my lap.
Grampa Cory’s sister is a gramma now. Seeing her grandson the first time was very hard for me. I must admit, I’ve probably developed an unfair jealousy of her and my own brothers and sisters; who have free and liberal access to all their grandchildren. We have friends with twins as well and whenever they post pictures, I can’t help but wish I had photos of my twin grandchildren to share or pictures of any of you for that matter.
One thing I’ve gained a greater appreciation of is my time with your cousin H. He asks about you all the time. He misses you very much too. Whenever he visits we always share memories of all of you and he asks to Skype as well, like we’ve done before.
If by chance you are reading this, you are likely a lot older and maybe I’m gone. In that case, I want you to know something about your mother. In the past she had made some poor choices in life. But that is now years in the past and she is a much better, healthier person now. She has become a very strong and determined woman. Please know everything she is doing or will do, is to find a solution to what is incredibly complex and heartbreaking situation. She loves you so very much, regardless of the thousands of miles that separate you.
...... not a day goes by.............